Have i ever regret of my decisions? Yes of course. There it is, the first one..second one...here comes the third and fourth one...another one.....and many more.
Why do i regret? I did not guard my heart perfectly. Leaking from my deepest little secret hole. It was part of me, inseparable, there is no point regretting. A regret do not turn back time, and as time flies, i will not made a different choice, it would have been the same choice.
No wisdom, not sober minded, no guarding the pure heart, all these is not what i wish for. What the mind think heart thinks differently. What the mind set heart react differently. What the mind decided heart neglect again. Nature couldn't be thrown and it was hated the most.
He is perfect, but i am broken. He gave the peace, and i brought disaster. He kept me save but i search for trouble. All is I to be blamed.
He is too great for me, and i am not worthy. Yes, not worthy.
Time Flies.
I wish i stand firm, fight, protect my love
ones, steadfastly hold on to my faith. Everything goes so wrong in my plan, because i did not trust in my God for everything i hope for. I'm just being selfish and foolish. He was always beside me, why can't i see? I dont understand Him, I dont know my God good enough, i lose to my iniquity. Almost.
Until, today, a passage from bible, ''Vengeance is mine!'' Such a strong word strike me. Everything i did, i fear man, while man cant do me any harm. I shake hands with devils, I run from the One who could strike me down just in any second, and forever. Nothing but foolish to describe myself. Yet Lord, you show me grace, again. Like a father to his daughter, u love me, gave me a real smile out of the bottom of my heart. I feel relieve having you as my Lord God.
Things which sound foolish to others, but Lord, thanks for correcting me again. Even affliction is by the will of God, Lord you have purpose in it. You teaching me a precious lesson. Though i might not understand, but You have promised, man is not faithful while God is faithful. You promise whenever things happen, its for us the best. YES, as time goes by, i understand your love even more.
You give me a direction in my life, You teach me a most important lesson which every soul needed the most, Your loving hand grab me out of my darkness. What else? Nothing else in this world can be comparable with YOU! You are the most precious one for every soul. Thank you for your Justice and Mercy.
I am so not deserve of all these, yet God you gave me an eternal hope. A hope which even angels are excited with. Therefore, no matter how, i will learn from Jesus Christ, even enemies i will give them blessing, cloth them, help them and love them.
Heavenly Father, anything more, u know better than I.
Thanks for being with me always.
It wasn't easy to get out of the old life to change. But if someone has been given the spirit of God, she/he should not be content in the life with sin. Which is born of the flesh is of flesh, and he who born of the spirit is of the spirit.(Galatians 5:17 - For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; an these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish)
Currently, I do not seems to be contend with my old life style. No discipline is the conclude for all. I will strike hard to change, to learn of having a discipline life. For my God is a God which things always get in order too. I desire to imitate my Lord more, more and much more. <3I hate the ''ME'' in disorder, my life could be such a mess.
(1 Corinthians 14:40 - Let all things be done decently and in order)
By looking to the fall of others, it doesn't mean to be looking down on them but to be more alert than ever to guard ourselves. Those in the darkness do not see themselves in the darkness unless light shines into darkness. Darkness hate light because light appeal the nakedness of sin in darkness.
Who am i to judge him/her? For i was once in the same darkness.
That feeling, the kind of life in darkness, i don't wish to go back. By seeing the light, the grace of God, i doesn't want to go back to darkness anymore. That blindness, self-center and proud, it gave me nothing, no satisfaction was enough for me, because they were all so temporary in this world. I may feel warm, being loved, even enjoyment and so called freedom. But if i was truly honest to myself, i felt loneliness deep down in my heart. Nothing fulfill the needs and satisfaction i want in my heart.
Seeing the light, hoping to be save by it from darkness, it is a need to cut off every sin i seen in myself. It is painful, it hurts. But being in the darkness, i craved to reach the light. I am craving to be free from this dreadful darkness. I really hate this world, this fake and dishonest world. People seems to be pretending and nice in outline yet killing each other in the inner side.
Now, the path i have chosen. It might seems to be hard in people's view, friends might even think why are you being such a person? I never regretted, not even single regret for choosing the same path as Jesus Christ, bearing up my cross daily. Physically, i might seems not enjoying the world, or even being controlled and hard to myself. Even so, you'll never know nor understand my happiness unless u choose the same path as me. Though the needs to care on every steps, guard our flesh, control our sin but great comfort is there from Jesus, a comfort which no one can steal it from me. My comfort now, is even better than the comfort world gave me.
Luke 9:23 - Then Jesus said to them all, '' If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me ''
Sometimes it is quite funny in some sense when you suddenly been awaken by God. Looking or had ever hoping at something which doesn't belong to you at first, come on, you ask me why, how can i answer? I was just blind, maybe blind by outward goodness of something, but forgetting the inner part is much more important, which is something only God can give, by grace.
Once again, my post is meant to be thanking God again, being my treasure on this earthen vessels (2 Corinthians 4:7-15). Even though sufferings larr, own troubleness, my commitment, even in friendships and studies, i'm glad nothing from them struck me down. Yes falls or backsliding do have, but i do not afraid of losing God. Because his promise was meant to be strengthen us after we suffered. And noted, we do suffered.
1 Peter 5:10 - But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
There are just too much friends of mine, being so so so busy and full with activities of fellowship in church, which they think they are pleasing God, but God might not accept what they do!
Matthew 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.''
Did it at least gave you and i a sense for urgency for our own spiritual life?
...oh no..i'm just too hard to control my pity and worries for my friends now. What should i do? There are friends who don't know Christ, also friends knowing Christ but yet just merely knowing His existence and not truly spiritual understanding of Him.
No! I know Him! and i want my friends to know My Saviour! Because i'm too clear with God's word, that He said in John 3:18 : ''Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.''
And we know the word ''condemn'' means to be in hell, and hell is real. In Matthew 13:42, means ''They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.''
Also much much more to prove in the Bible(God's word).
We often use man's standard to see God's standard. Thinking man is still fine if we doesn't do much sin. But God's standard is perfectly sinless!! How can man be without sin even one single day?! It is just like a drop of dirtiness fall into a cup of total perfectly pure water, but just by one drop, it could spoil the whole cup of pure water.
We, man sinned. No doubt it is true, and we have no way to escape from this truth!
When we do according to what man teaches, we're just doing what we think to be right before God and what we think He must accept our effort when God doesn't even have to lay a single sight on us - fallen man.
You thought God is your puppet that He should listen and accept everything you gave just because you give??! We should be the one who obey and follow! God is the one with infinite power and we couldn't even explain why we're born, or why are we created.
I just can't hold my wrath when i realize we as man, actually look down so much upon our God! Whom suppose to be our Creator and be worship by us. But now, being forget, reject, ignore or pretend to have no God in our life.
We all pay for things we do. No matter what is reveal or hidden, everything will be expose by God during the day of our judgement to all!
Only those who truly love God wholeheartedly, which means truly treasure God's word(read Bible), treasure what God thinks about us and what He wants us to do to be save by His grace. Instead of self-pride, using own way, the so call fellowship but no emphasize on God's teaching at all, thinking you will surely reach Heaven when you died.
Do remember this! No one know they can or not enter heaven after death, only those who preserve in Christ till the end of his day on earth. Only God knows!
Mark 13:13 ''And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved.
Whenever certain things happened, in suffering, somehow it always turn out to be strengthening me up in Christ instead of losing faith.
Yes, persecution, suffering, struggles, burdens beyond measure, and more in my life. And i thought and doubt of my own faith in Christ before. Thank you God revealing His will to me in 2 Corinthians 4:7-15. We sometimes might be encourage but God can still greatly use us.
Truly, God is the one who choose us before we can say wanting to be with Him. Choosing to be obedient with Him, being forgive, by repent and believe in Jesus Christ as our only Saviour.
Really thank you God allowing me to see His grace in my family, my sister and even my friend's life. He is such an amazing God, His mercy works throughout their life and the way He change their stoned heart to a heart of flesh. The ability He gave to obey his words, and even being able to do what is right before Him, when we are not suppose to be able to do by our own flesh, indeed spirit helps us.
Reminding me not to hide from problems i had but face it to God, and let God rule my life. God always give an answer to my question. Just sometimes patience is needed for the answer. I shall find peace always in my Lord. :)
Why do i regret? I did not guard my heart perfectly. Leaking from my deepest little secret hole. It was part of me, inseparable, there is no point regretting. A regret do not turn back time, and as time flies, i will not made a different choice, it would have been the same choice. 
